Friday, June 7, 2013

A Time of Crisis

Confessions of a Straight Mormon Boy, Part V
(Note: what follows is a work of fiction, a hypothetical look at a fake world in an attempt to cultivate empathy in the real world)

After College:

I stay married to my work lately, and definitely don't date much (if at all). I should feel pretty safe with that lifestyle because it is not abnormal for a professional person of my age to be too preoccupied with work for romance--except that I'm Mormon. In Mormon culture, most people are married by now and having children. I have all but missed the boat on that one. Approaching 30 now, I am no closer to wanting to marry another man than I was 10 years ago. But how desperately I crave companionship. I do want someone to share my life with, and to have a family with. But in all my fantasies about the ideal life, I always imagine myself with a woman.

Why would God make me this way? I just want to be myself! This is not fair! I have lived all my life following the commandments and building faith in Jesus Christ and His Gospel and Atonement. And for what!? I'm miserable. It's not like I am obsessed with sex or anything; I just want to love a woman who loves me back. That doesn't make me a pervert, does it?! That's no different than any gay woman out there... Except that I am not a gay woman. I am straight man. I hate my life and I hate myself for feeling this way. I want to be strong and faithful, but it just doesn't seem worth it anymore...

This is Part Five of a seven-part blog series. Check in tomorrow for Part Six: Coming Out to Myself

To see the full article, go to Full Article.

(Note: This series in in response to A Gay Mormon Coming Out (live)Gays and MormonsMormon Couple With A Gay Husband And Straight Wife, and other similar stories/videos)

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