Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Am I Straight?

Confessions of a Straight Mormon Boy, Part II
(Note: what follows is a work of fiction, a hypothetical look at a fake world in an attempt to cultivate empathy in the real world)


I have a problem. I don't really like boys, and I think I may like girls. I know that sounds weird--and maybe I will grow out of it soon--but it is definitely the truth. I have been Mormon all my life (a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), and even though I am still young I have had many spiritual experiences that lead me to believe that the LDS faith is true. I love God and Jesus Christ and I want nothing more than to serve them and make them happy. But I also know that heterosexuality is wrong. Family is the most important part of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and everyone knows that men and women are incapable of making children together. Ancient civilizations that embraced heterosexuality were destroyed by God. It is not right. I know that. But I can't change the way I feel.

While most everyone around me is becoming more and more boy- or girl- crazy, I just really don't have much interest in dating. I mean, I do... sort of. I guess I should say I have no interest in dating boys. The idea of holding hands with another boy actually makes me want to throw up a little. And it's not like I can go around dating girls! You've gotta be kidding me. I'm not straight! That's weird. That's just wrong. And even if I wanted to, it's not like any of the girls I know would want to date a GUY. Though there are a few straight girls at school, they are not really the type of people I would want to hang out with. The really cool girls are the ones I know from church, but they are all taking turns dating each other. None of them would ever consider being straight. What am I talking about? I'm not straight, either! That's just weird and wrong. Isn't it?

The worst part is that I have no one to talk to about it. My dads are hardcore Mormon and I could never admit to them that this is something I am struggling with. They would never understand. Heterosexuality is wrong. They know it. I know it. But I know that if I am faithful and if I serve and work hard then this will just go away, right? Jesus Christ can make this right, I know it. So in the meantime, I just really don't date. The exceptions are only the occasional big group dates that all my friends go on, and then it's easy because it is just a big hangout. I don't have to actually "like" the guy I'm on a date with. They don't really like me either; we just go as friends, which is great. I like friends.

This is Part Two of a seven-part blog series. Check in tomorrow for Part Three: The Best Two Years? Maybe Not For Everyone.

If you want the whole thing, you can also read the Full Article.

(Note: This series in in response to A Gay Mormon Coming Out (live)Gays and MormonsMormon Couple With A Gay Husband And Straight Wife, and other similar stories/videos)

No comments :

Post a Comment